Be sane in the world full of crap

In this point of my life I am feeling like I don't fit in with the world. It's like I should go to the other side of the world where I should live my life or do I need to build my own world ?

I was thinking I was one of the brightest, one that conquer the universe but all I think now the others were just darker than me. I used to think I was strong but the others were just too weak. And right now in the other dimension of time, I am just dust.

I tried to make things right but it get worse, everything I do are wrong and people just taking pity of me like I am stupid. I am not stupid, I am just not into details. I just care about making money, I don't think it is necessary to have great status so everyone will down on my knees, I really don't care about that. I just need the quiet life without deep thinking of tomorrow.

Cursing is one of my new favorite. Whenever I can't talk to people about what I feel, I just curse. I know it's just silly but I don't think God's mind, well I don't know if God's mind. May be it's just my way to be patient, to curse in my brain, not yelling like a crazy person.

Lately it's just harder to be sane in the world full of crap. I keep thinking what I should do to make things right, I don't wanna be slave for another slave herself but I do my best to be paid now before every hard work paid me back someday. I'd rather be just good girl outside and devil in mind, because I don't quit easily, I plan everything to be fall into places and I'm still waiting for that moment...