Minggu, 31 Desember 2017

365/365 - COUNTING DOWN TO 2018

2017 is not my best year so far, the year that I've realized that I'm not a kid anymore that I grow up too fast I'm scare that I'm not ready yet to face the future. I had some disease that I've never had before, but thankfully it's ok. Though, I still can't get myself to run some medical check up, I'm afraid that I have symptoms of this and that haa... I also got my iphone LCD broken just 1 or 2 months after I bought it and it was like a nightmare.

Yes I said that 2017 isn't my best year but it's an open gate to everything I planned :

1. I have my wedding to plan next year
2. I've got promotion and I will be a supervisor in January 2018 (I still believe in "loyalty to small things will lead to the bigger things") 
3. I've got my new apartment and the handover will be in the middle of 2018 
4. I make an investment and hopefully it will be a huge deal.

I worked a little harder in 2017 and hopefully I can get the feedback next year and years after. I totally enjoy my life now and next year will be a big year to me. So my resolutions will be :

1. Have a great wedding
2. Lose weight
3. Eat healthy
4. Do sports
5. Going places I've never been
6. Saving more money
7. Learn to cook
8. Be a good housewife
9. Appreciate people more
10. Take things seriously

So... 2018 please be nice :)

Sabtu, 06 Mei 2017

CAT TRAGEDY

Just pass the cat tragedy in my house :'(

Weekend pagi,gw, nyokap n ade2 mau makan di TAKO SUKI, Puri Indah. Setelah kita semua bersiap, kita semua masuk mobil kecuali nyokap yang masih mau kunci pintu rumah dan gw bersiap nyetir. 

And it all began...
Coba starter mobil, bunyinya udah agak aneh, seperti ada dengung pelan, gw panik trus matiin mesin mobilnya. Trus kedua kali coba starter lagi, masih ada bunyi yang sama dengan dengungan. Gw coba sekali lagi matiin nyalain mobil dan bunyinya tambah kenceng tapi gw paksa mundurin mobil. Tapi karena dengungan tambah kenceng, gw stop dan matiin lagi. Nyokap dari luar mobil bilang "ada kucing kali", kita semua panik dan bingung harus gimana, selang beberapa detik benarlah ada suara kucing seperti nangis pelan gitu. Gw dan ade gw keluarlah dari mobil, tinggal ade gw yang kecil masih ada di dalam mobil.

Saat itu hari lagi ujan, kita bingung gimana karena udah nengok bawah mobil ga keliatan ada kucing dan prediksi kita itu kucing masih ada di dalam mesin mobil. Nyokap panggil tante tetangga 2 orang yang dateng dengan panik juga. Mereka anjurin buka kap mesin. Nyokap coba buka kap mesin dan karena cewe2 semua, antara ga ngerti itu kap mesin harus diganjel atau emang lagi buru2 jadi kap mesin ga diganjel dan tiba-tiba BAAAM ! Kap mesinnya jatoh kena kepala nyokap dan berdarah2.

HAIZZZ... Ade2 gw udah mulai nangis ngeliat darah nyokap ngucur terus. 
Akhirnya tante tetangga itu nganter nyokap sama ade2 gw, meninggalkan gw sendiri di rumah dengan kondisi kucing yang masih memprihatinkan dan meong2 terus.

U know, I am always afraid of cat because they like to jump around. Pagar rumah masih terbuka lebar, kunci mobil masih nyantol, gw cuma bisa staring to the outside, afraid to do anything. I cried a lot because I feel so guilty. Gw merasa bersalah nyalain mesin mobil meskipun ga tau ada kucing. I wish I can do something tapi gw sendiri ga ada keberanian. I know hurting cat is some kind of bad luck. So I started to say "Sori kucing, aku ga sengaja" Gw ngomong berkali2 dan berdoa semoga kucingnya ga kenapa2. 

Selang beberapa menit gw telp bokap yang masih kerja, dia malah marah2 kenapa kap mesin dibuka2 dan ga diganjel. Mungkin panik juga karena cewe2 semua di rumah.

Dan akhirnya gw terpikir panggil temen yang kos di deket rumah, His name is Rendy. Gw coba telp Rendy, "Ren, berani ngusir kucing ga? Ada kucing di mesin mobil gw" some kind of that. Ga lama Rendy pun dateng. Gw masih nangis2 dengan panik tapi ga berani keluar. Dari dalem rumah gw bilang sama Rendy itu kucingnya kejepit dalam mesin mobil, dia pun denger sendiri kucingnya meong2 kesakitan.

Rendy mulai gebrak2 mobilnya berharap kucingnya keluar sendiri, tapi ga bisa2, dia berkali2 nengok ke bawah mobil tapi masih ga tau letak kucingnya dimana. Then dia buka kap mesin juga. Gw ud wanti2 hati2 Ren diganjel dulu biar ga jatoh tutup kapnya. Udah coba ketok2 mesinnya dan coba2 sodok2 pake kayu gitu tapi ga ada sosok kucing. Gw cuma bisa ngintip, ga berani keluar. Takut lihat kucingnya kenapa2. Akhirnya Rendy bilang, "ada nih kucingnya kejepit, ga bisa keluar". Gw makin takut tu kucing kenapa2. Trus Rendy tanya, kalo mobilnya dimajuin dikit gimana "Gw bilang ga bisa ren. Takut gw" Lalu Rendy starter mobil lagi. Makin kenceng dah tangisan tu kucing. Rendy juga panik dan matiin mobil lagi. Haizz

Gw bilang sama Rendy dengan nada miris "Ren, kalau ga berani gpp Ren. Nanti gw coba panggil orang". Tapi si Rendy masih coba2 terus dan akhirnya kucingnya makin ke bawah.

Nyokap pulang dan dapet 2 jahitan. Syukur deh ga ada yang serius. 

Rendy masih coba2 ketok2 mesin mobil pelan2 sampai akhirnya kucingnya keluar dalam keadaan pincang. Gw terus terang ga tega liat kucingnya jadi gw ga liat. Gw takut bayangan kucing itu jadi menghantui gw teruss. Gw merasa bersalah banget sama itu kucing. Ga ada keberanian juga ngobatin tu kucing. Cuma dalam hati gw terus berdoa semoga kucing itu cepet sembuh dan ga kenapa2. Semoga ada orang baik yang mau obatin kucingnya. Sori kucing, gw ga sengaja. I wish you well.
Jangan bandel2 masuk mesin mobil lagi.

Thank you Rendy juga, hero of the day !!!  

Selasa, 15 November 2016

THERE WERE WAR IN MY HEAD

Recently I really enjoy netflix-ing, from one movie to another, from one tv series to another. Lately I've been watching REIGN, tv series about Scotland and France Kingdom. I personally love the life of the royal, everything about King, Queen, Princes, and Princesses are so adorable and magnificent.


I love the British accent in the series, it makes them so graceful, everything that speak out from their mouth is very thoughtful and careful. To show their anger but in elegant way without make them look threatened. To choose the right words as a strategy to conquer other people, to hide the sadness not to make them look weak in front of people. I adore how they solve their problem with dignity. I might be a little jealous to see that they can speak and thinking fast. I adore their braveness, when people talking bad in front of my face, there were always war in my head about what I should response, I might be just shut my mouth, neither because I am noble-ish or kind, it is only because I don't really care about what people say...

The issue in REIGN is also about love story about the Scotland Queen and France Prince, who always put their countries first. The Queen might sacrifice her love for her country. She's the one that makes love more complicated, but interesting. This tricky and mutual romance makes this series unpredictable and makes me can't stop watching it. 

Jumat, 11 November 2016

Be sane in the world full of crap

In this point of my life I am feeling like I don't fit in with the world. It's like I should go to the other side of the world where I should live my life or do I need to build my own world ?

I was thinking I was one of the brightest, one that conquer the universe but all I think now the others were just darker than me. I used to think I was strong but the others were just too weak. And right now in the other dimension of time, I am just dust.

I tried to make things right but it get worse, everything I do are wrong and people just taking pity of me like I am stupid. I am not stupid, I am just not into details. I just care about making money, I don't think it is necessary to have great status so everyone will down on my knees, I really don't care about that. I just need the quiet life without deep thinking of tomorrow.

Cursing is one of my new favorite. Whenever I can't talk to people about what I feel, I just curse. I know it's just silly but I don't think God's mind, well I don't know if God's mind. May be it's just my way to be patient, to curse in my brain, not yelling like a crazy person.

Lately it's just harder to be sane in the world full of crap. I keep thinking what I should do to make things right, I don't wanna be slave for another slave herself but I do my best to be paid now before every hard work paid me back someday. I'd rather be just good girl outside and devil in mind, because I don't quit easily, I plan everything to be fall into places and I'm still waiting for that moment... 

 

Senin, 10 Oktober 2016

ALIVE STAR & ALIVE MUSEUM ANCOL (8 OCT 2016)

October full of wedding invitation, entah kenapa para couple suka banget bikin wedding di akhir-akhir tahun, mungkin karena jauh dari musim hujan. So... di tgl 8 Oktober 2016, we (me and bf) got the wedding invitation from our dear friends in Discovery Hotel, Ancol.

Di sela-sela kesibukan kondangan yang membuat kita ga punya waktu ngedate, we visited museum ala Maddame Tussaud which called Alive Star in Ancol and also one place with 3D art in it called Alive Museum. This is my birthday present for my dear bf (though I was more excited to be there... :D). Beli voucher Groupon combo untuk 2 museum itu dengan HTM Rp. 130.000,-/orang

Jumat, 26 Februari 2016

MAKHLUK TUHAN PALING SEMPURNA (SARCASM)

Huff...

Huff..

Huff...

Hidup koq ga bisa ya tenang2 ajah ?
Selesai 1 masalah, dateng lagi masalah baru. Malahan masalah kayak dateng bertubi2. Mungkin lebay kedengerannya. But you have to know, I live with a lot of anger and dissapointment inside.

Mungkin orang - orang di sekitar gw semuanya merasa jadi Makhluk Tuhan Paling Sempurna, which I never care actually. But when they feel like they need to change me to be like them, my life is like HELL.

Where can I find my freedom ?

If life wasn't about money, maybe I am now not sitting at bed now. May be would be in other side of the world.

Mungkin gw bego kali ya and I can't do anything about that. 
I'm a person who never trully love anything, May be I'm selfish, I can't accept critic. I really don't think people should care everything I do with my life, 

STOP YELLING AT ME TO CHANGE coz I don't think it ever work....
I'm not perfect and I don't wanna be

I'm stuck with hypocrite people who think that he's so perfect that he can change me and also one woman that maybe someday will get karma for what she's done and I would be lucky if I can watch it.... 

Jumat, 01 Januari 2016

NEW YEAR COME WITH NEW RESOLUTIONS

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016 

Year 2015 is the most wonderful year all time, I can say my life is so great that I don't know what more to ask. Too many wonderful memories, too many things to be grateful. Those are the highlights :


Those happy times make me so thankful for having a lot of good friends, officemates, family and boyfriend. I really hope 2016 will be better and I believe there are many things to achieve. So, these are my 2016 resolutions : (WITH REVIEW A YEAR LATER)

1.  TAKING A BREVET CLASS  X AT THE END OF THE DAY, I DON'T THINK IT'S NECESSARY :P
2.  FINDING WAYS TO GET MORE MONEY √  HAPPENED A BIT
3.  SAVING MORE MONEY AND GAMBLING WITH INVESTATION 
4.  HAVING MORE TIME WITH FRIENDS √  YA MAY BE 
5.  GETTING HEALTHY AND LOSE WEIGHT X NOT REALLY
6.  GETTING ORGANIZED  A BIT IMPROVEMENT, I GUESS
7.  DO MORE FOR MY FAMILY  NOT ME TO ASSUME
8.  CAREFUL IN EVERY THING THAT I DO AND IN MAKING DECISION √ YA MAY BE

Those are the plans that I has to do in 2016. I wish I can achieve them all and I can be a better human in this year.

Thank you 2015, welcome 2016


Love, 

ANGEL

Sabtu, 12 Desember 2015

I'm Scared, God

Dear God,

It's been so long since I feel this insecurity in life. Suddenly got my world full of doubt, I'm not that sure again about my future. I'm so scared of everything I've ever chosen, is it right or is it not that right ? I'm scared, God. Will I be happy or will I always trying hard to be happy? Will I do it anyhow or do I have to make changes?

Dear God please help me. I don't know what I want, I don't know what my future might offer. I'm scared. Everything is getting ruined and I don't know what to do...

I wanna fight for this, showing my loyalty and I'm not gonna give up for it...

I'm scared, God but I choose to be strong instead...

Sabtu, 08 Agustus 2015

China Journey 14 - 22 Juli 2015

Liburan Idul Fitri 2015 saya dan keluarga berkesempatan mengunjungi negeri China , which is my father's dream to go there. It was our first time there so we were excited. So here the story goes...

Day 1 (BEIJING)

Setelah menempuh 6 jam perjalanan dan 10 jam transit di Singapore, sampailah kita semua di kota BEIJING sekitar jam 7 pagi dalam keadaan kucel coz we were not getting enough rest on the plane. So, first place we visit is TEMPLE OF HEAVEN. 

Senin, 22 Juni 2015

One Circumstances

I don't remember being myself. I don't remember which character I am used to or which I should be now. I feel like I am in one circumstances which I don't feel comfortable about myself coz I've been hiding behind the mask to fit in with people.

Many times in my life I feel like I'm the right one, feel like I can read people's character and they are wrong all the time according to my 'smart' mind. I consider myself a leader while I'm just a clumsy girl craving for attention. I've been searching for peace but usually end up make things worse. I don't know who to trust, I don't even trust myself. I love people but I hate them behind, like I love to talk more about the person's bitchy attitude than their kindness. I'm one jealous bitch on everybody who has more friends, more money and more look. 

I even be mad to everyone around me because I love to have power and people can't control me. I don't wanna end up leaving best thing coz too busy chasing unreal thing. I just wanna be faithful. Life's still young.


P.S. I just wanna get your attention.

Senin, 16 Februari 2015

ALL WE HAVE IS THIS MOMENT

All we have is this moment
to put the love into motion
Yesterday is history
So why don't you be here with me ?

Four years ago, life was one messed up rubix cube waiting to be solved. Like a total disaster without direction and no clue how to fix it. I was nothing but a dreamer wanting to have a fairy tale life. But in one time, I ended up feeling like a rubbish. I had a trust issue, even until now I can't easily trust people, I'm a Paranoid (with a capital P).

Four years ago, I made some mistakes that made me growing up. I didn't listen to what people said because I was a stubborn one. I was lost in between 'yes' or 'not at all' and I said 'yes' all the time. I said yes to trouble and wavy life. I said yes to wrong turns instead of going straight. The heart wanted what it want, that's what I thought.

Through this day, I wake up to something I called logic. Fighting for something I love won't always go smooth, but I learn what's worthy in life. People might call me arrogant and heartless coz I'm easily judging people who still do what I have left. I still don't understand how I should live, still don't know how to deal with life. What's different is I use my brain more than my heart this time. The heart still always be hungry for big things, but the brain tells me to take it slow. I don't always come up strong, but I see life with a different point of view. I learn to earn not to spend, though it's hard for me still. I put myself first. I still have a trust issue but I handle it quite well. In one way or another, I feel I have myself under control. So, I'm a grateful one. 

Selasa, 02 September 2014

TWENTY FOUR

I've been stepping on year 24 of my life. It's been my pleasure to have this long journey. It's not always a smooth one but at least I'm still here right now because I am strong.

I know I have not achieved much, I have not been a good daughter but slowly I try to look after them in my way. I really am not a lovey-dovey daughter but I try to give them more time and thought. It's still hard for me to be a caring daughter and sister but I always think of them and count on them in my every big decision.

Hello love story, could this end up well or give me another heartbreak ? We'll see. I always try my best in every relationship but this time is different because there's someone who appreciate me well (I guess). I can't say it's always pretty but it's something I want to fight for. Let time tell, no more trick hopefully.

The challenge is real in my job. Start crying again because of work. I know I never been a detail person, I don't do anything well. It's always been a hard trying and I can never be a perfectionist, but I keep running and I won't give up. People won't care about my sadness or my burden, they might think I'm fool but I still won't give up coz people don't know me. Just be patient and be tough !

Lately I've been so care less to my good friends. It's been a busy time and we almost don't have time to gather, but my thought always goes to you who were there for me in my single and lonely time, through my ugly and bad time, through crying and laughing. We're just getting busy with all the things now but we'll still be in touch.

To my lovely God, I know I'm not perfect, still lazy to go to Church and still forget to pray every night but I love you God through my bad day and my good. I will remember you in every way. My life is in your hand and your plan will always be the best for me.

Hello there twenty four, take it easy on me !

Minggu, 17 Agustus 2014

Love is in the air

Hello love life,

It's been 3 years single life and just started a new love with a guy I never knew I wanted. Been so in love lately and it's a good thing to love again, fight again, and start missing him a lot. 

It's been a while now and it's different (I guess), it's a great different. This time I feel safer and it's not more of heavy breathing. A lot of doubt of course, but it's beautiful to have someone whom I can compromise everything with. It's not a big deal to have a fight when you know you always forgive and be forgiven. Back in the day I was an introvert and not brave enough to speak for what I want but I believe right now I can say anything without feeling scare to be judged.

It's very new for me to have someone I can depend on, someone that I know I can live with, a best friend for life. As usual I don't wanna have a great expectation but he tries hard to make me believe we'll end up well. I'm happy to have him and I'll take care of it not by letting him win all the time when we argue, but doing everything fair.

We'll certainly have bad times but this time I want things to work out well. I don't need someone who pretend to be somebody else for a relationship, I want him as him, the ordinary man who make an extraordinary effort continuously to make me happy. I'm looking forward to have a happy ending. I really wanna believe that this relationship is worth having :)

Jumat, 14 Februari 2014

Innocent

I always remember the night you gave me rain. Still on the cab when I read your text, holding your gifts and pink rose you gave me. One tragic valentine when the tears drop and I remember begging so badly like I have no pride and wishing it's just a nightmare. Too innocent and clumsy to fall again and again in stupid lie you call it love. i thought true love is existed in this century but love doesn't count after goodbye, or may be it's not love after all, just a passion to knocked each other's heart and be proud about it...

Senin, 30 Desember 2013

2014 TO-DO-LIST

Wish is just something I hope, something I wait for to get it. So, in 2014 I don't want anymore wish list, I go with my TO-DO-LIST because it's more like something I should done by the end of 2014.

So, these are my TO-DO-LIST for 2014 :

1. (ALWAYS) USE MONEY WISELY AND SAVE MORE. Ini harus banget dilakukan mengingat keborosan gw tahun lalu. Tahun hura-hura sudah lewat, mari menabung untuk hari tua. 

2. BUY NEW GADGET. Mau banget ganti gadget tahun 2014. Target : Samsung S5 yang katanya keluar bulan Januari atau Februari. I need to save my money from now !!!

3. (AGAIN) OLAH RAGA RUTIN. This is what I need to do again after break for a while because I move to the new office. So hard to get back to gym but I know I should. 

4. EAT LESS, DRINK MORE. Terlalu banyak cemilan, makanan berlemak ditambah kurang minum membuat badan ga sehat. I wanna to stay healthy and fit. It takes time and work but it better start soon.

5. STUDY MORE. Dari dulu mau banget les pajak tapi banyak halangannya, gw harap tahun depan bisa dimulai.

6. MAKE MORE FRIENDS (AS ALWAYS)

7. TRY TO HAVE CONVERSATION WITH EVERYONE

8. MAKING MORE MONEY

9. IMPROVE KARIR. I wanna be loyal to the job I've got. I know it won't be instant to be a successful person but it is progressing everyday.

10. (TRY HARDER) FINDING THE PRINCE


So, that's it. I won't give up easily on that list. I hope I can accomplish everything. It takes time and hard work but I keep my faith on myself that  I can do those. So, wish me luck. GANBATTE !!!

Rabu, 11 Desember 2013

My life wasn't a fairy tale

Maybe I'm leaving a life behind but I'm too relieve to grieve. I'm not gonna say I'm not sad with this goodbye, but I know for sure it's a lot to be thankful for. I might be young, reckless and stubborn, but I have no regrets for it coz I've been stepping on this stone quite long and I know now it's time to fly away and reach the sky.

Eventhough it was not a dream, for the couple months I wish it was. For some reasons, I feel different and alone. I'm not those kinds of people who talked sh*t and pretending I don't.Yet, I don't judge people by their clothes coz I don't really care and your taste doesn't always best for somebody elses. Who are you to judge? Maybe it's new different culture I wish I can be used to it, but till now I never really understand.

On the same way, I learnt not to trust, not to be proud, and to speak louder for myself because we don't know who will make your bad days worst. It's exhausted to be in drama when my intention is just working and getting paid.

But then I found my real friends, ones who felt the same way and build a wall to protect the heart we still have....

Kamis, 03 Oktober 2013

If you ask me today....

If you ask me today, I would say NO.
It doesn't mean I don't love you, you should know that I care.

I care enough to wait. 
I want you to make things right for yourself,
I want you to think only for yourself.
I don't want you to worry about me,
I don't want you to worry for the weekend we can't ever met.
I don't want you to feel sorry for the fight that should never happen
I love you enough to let you be selfish, chasing your dreams and being somebody you're really want it

You don't need to doubt me, I'm here
I'm waiting for that time you're fully mine
shower me with your love and tenderness,
we would never care about people's judgement
Coz we have each other and be tough
I'll be proud of what you've done and what you've believed
And I'm proud of myself because I hold the right man here in my arm
Destiny will never do us apart since the first day of forever.
I love you, not enough words can describe.

But now I'm here sitting in my bedroom thinking 
if you never ask...



Minggu, 25 Agustus 2013

Twenty Three

I don't know bout you
but I'm (still) feeling 22
:P

One more year has gone too fast, I'm still feeling like kiddo though. There's something about me that wanting to never grow up, maybe everyone feels the same (or just me?).
Twenty three years journey has not satisfied me enough but doesn't make me stop being grateful. I love my life, it's not the best but I have (almost) no regret. 

I feel thankful for all those wishes everyone gave me. It's awesome to have everyone give a little time to pray for me. I sent you all many many thanks. Maybe this is something I need, some motivations, the power to do more, to know that lots of people do care, even anybody who doesn't know me quite well on facebook.

I know I made so many mistake in purpose or not, I feel sorry and I'm not proud of it. At least in year 22 of my life I have graduated college, I have a real job, I keep in touch with best(est) fellas and make some new ones. Perhaps sometimes I don't appreciate all of you enough, but if you have time, just text me and I will be happy to text you back. 

I'm also really sorry for not saving money quite well, this year I don't share enough but I will do better next year. 

So then, once again thank you everybody who cares about me and any other people in my life. Thanks God I have you. I wish I find what I need, a better job, a better love, other best(est) friends, a better life. I have faith on myself that I can do everything I want. There are a lot more to do in year 23, a lot of things I haven't achieved. I hope this journey makes me a better person each and every day. XOXO

Sabtu, 17 Agustus 2013

Bipolar #Abaikan

Akhir2 ini gw sering berpikir klo gw mungkin kena bipolar syndrom karena emosi gw yg naik turun. Sebentar seneng keterlaluan, sebentar bete ga karuan. Oh well, somehow mungkin karena gw kurang bisa speak up tentang ketidaksukaan gw ataupun kebetean gw, jadi mungkin semacam autisme juga kali. Kenapa ya ribet gitu hidup gw? apa gw yg bikin ribet? Apa gw salah gaul atau kurang gaul ? Ya ga tau juga deh ya. Apa untuk anak seusia gw normal2 aja ya mengalami ketidakstabilan emosi?


NB : (Sekali lagi) Abaikan

Jumat, 19 Juli 2013

Random thought

I should have known that what I had done was stupid
No matter how hard I try to please,
it's me who's hurt at last.

Who are you to compare with the morning sun?
One childish heart who made me think again about love
All that I know is you give me not even one reason
to embrace the night

Now I'm pretty scare to face the moon because it's never enough to brighten 
my dark grey night
If you give up your morning shine, my life will definitely fade away.

Like a young girl learning about love
I'm ready to be hurt
Because love hurt whether it's right or wrong
After all the things I've done to speak up what I feel,
you just leave.

I still can't get you out of my head, though.
You might be feeling bad about me 
but I don't wanna play another stages.
If it's right not to talk to you 
so go, fly, and find your way home.

I don't wanna step on your way
I couldn't say I don't love you but love is just not enough.
(How do you look at someone you love & tell
yourself its time to walk away?)